Japanese Poetry Week Continues (And Ends)

I had such a fun time playing with tanka yesterday that today I’m treating us all to a few prose pieces of the haiku variety. You remember haiku from middle school: 5-7-5 syllables. Feel free to count my syllables and call me out on my mistakes. I will gladly admit to them. And then hunt you down. Alright, yo. Haikuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

Haiku, I’d like to Ride You
Haiku, I’d like to
Take you to a nice supper
Then maybe bed you.

We’ll start with a kiss
Then I will caress your neck
And feel your bosom.

I’ll slip off your dress
Lift you by your sweet round ass
Gently lay you down.

Then I’ll climb on top
Run my hands through your long hair
And massage your skin.

A lover’s embrace
Our bodies pressed together
I’ll penetrate you.

Slowly, lovingly
One syllable at a time
Until you climax.

You Have to Discipline Your Ham Salad
Ham Salad, you make
A better door than window
Sitcho pink ass down.

Watch your tone, Ham Salad
I brought you into this world
I can take you out.

I am serious!
Stop misbehaving at once!
Are you listening?!

Then I have no choice.
It’s too late for sorry now
Get the bread, Ham Salad.

Fruit by the Foot
If I were a girl
Banana in a condom
Would always trump cock.

Slightly under-ripe
Halfway from green to yellow
For added firmness

No small bananas
Only massive ‘nana rods
In both length and girth.

I’d peel off the top
Cause I prefer my fruit cocks
To be circumcised.

The Case of the Missing Cheeto
Hey, Mister, come here.
Where did you get that Cheeto?
It looks just like mine.

Strange coincidence.
Two such similar Cheetos.
No accusation.

I’m sure it is yours
Just looks VERY similar.
Lying sack of shit.

My name is Ben, I am a blogger and a poet.

Manny & Mexican: A Tale Told in Tanka Prose

The tanka poem is a set of five lines containing the syllabic pattern: 5-7-5-7-7. Tanka prose follows the same format, but is less gay. Just kidding. It’s equally gay. Let us do this!

Manny Pacquiao
For a Southeast Asian guy
You look a lot like
This Mexican dude Manuel
who delivers me tacos.

Seriously, dude
Did you pick up a few shifts?
You were in LA
Is this how you train for fights?
Ricky Hatton thinks it works.

Don’t quit your day job
Faster service comes when I
Order from Mexico
Worst deliverer in town
But I can’t stay mad at you.

You look like one of
Those cute monkeys that always
Finds Hidden Treasure
I want to cuddle with you.
And share in your vast fortune.

But the Monkey
Could deliver food faster
It’s Mexican food
How long can it take, Pacman?
Meat on a damn tortilla!

You destroyed Hatton
In like five stupid minutes
But can’t bike one mile
In under an hour?
This shit is ridiculous.

Los Angeles heat
Plus low quality carne
In the end, equals:
“These tacos taste like swine flu.”
Damn you, Manny Pacquiao.

My name is Ben and I hangrily blogged this.