Hot Damn, Hot Dog!

For lunch today I ate a couple of hot dogs that, while still delicious, were quite probably past their peak freshness. When you can’t remembering purchasing something, it’s very old. But hey, a brother’s gotta eat, so I shot first and asked questions later, mainly of food poisoning websites which informed me that consuming a spoiled hot dog might result in indigestion, nausea, and fits of diarrhea and vomiting. So basically the same risks you take eating a normal hot dog.

Speaking of hot dogs, I know you remember this old jingle. But do you remember the cartoon brainwashing that accompanied it?

Kids, the dissident boy is right! You don’t want to be an Oscar Meyer wiener! It’s a terrible fate! You’ll get eaten!

It appears Oscar Meyer, The Hot Dog Hitler as I refer to him, was assembling his own paramilitary youth movement. O-Mey wasn’t hunting Jews, though…

…He was hunting Mexicans! This racist drawing is awfully suggestive. Drawn to look like a plump, costumed, mustachioed, hot dog, I think we are subtly being told that Oscar Meyer wieners are made from Mexicans. In no uncertain terms, if this turns out to be true, I will boycott that corporation. Unless Ball Park Franks goes through another recall. Then, sorry Mexico, like I said, a brother’s gotta eat. No, I’m sticking to this. I’ll switch to Hebrew National. It feels good to stand for something.

The last Ball Park Frank recall was due to an error in which cheese dogs were accidentally placed in regular hot dog packages. That mistake would’ve been the hot-dog-consuming thrill of my lifetime. Had I known this at the time I would’ve bought up all the recalled hot dogs, then written an antagonistic complaint for every package that didn’t contain cheese dogs. But I digress.

Look at the face of that poor cartoon Mexican man. Just minding his business, hanging out with a cactus, when some little kid dressed suspiciously like a Klansman kidnaps him for no reason. Hombre is carrying a pistol, so it’s easy to confuse him with a bandito. But you would stay strapped too if there was an army of racist child sous chefs constantly trying to lasso you.

My name is Ben and I blogged this.