Special Talents

TALENT!!!

This is a performance by Kseniya Simonova, the winner of the 2009 Ukraine’s Got Talent. Get a load of this genius:

The American translation of Kseniya Simonova, in both name and title, is Kevin Skinner, the 2009 winner of America’s Got Talent. Get a load of this yokel:

Conclusion: America doesn’t have talent. Her performance is inspiring, groundbreaking, unique. His could take sixth place at a regional karaoke competition. There is an ocean between Kseniya and Kevin in both geography and talent.

And since I’ll probably never mention this show again, let me take a minute to address the judge’s panel. They’ve got David Hasselhoff, a man whose talents are only recognized in Germany; Sharon Osbourne: A Brit known only for discovering the excessively interesting and modestly talented Ozzy Osbourne; And the other guy: Who seems to be American but has evidenced no discernible talent.

I’m not sure any of these people could make a jury on talent, let alone a judgeship. I respect their judgment about as much as I respect the awful careers that led them here. Which maybe explains why they would give the top talent prize to an atonal, Animatronic inbredneck. America really does have talent. It’s just that, as a nation, our greatest talent is the ability to sell out ANYTHING. Ukraine’s version had greater talent but ours got better ratings and thus sold more Cheetos to fat, untalented people.

We sold out talent, y’all. What’s next? Sending Special Olympians in 2010? And we wonder why no one respects us anymore.

My name is Ben and I blogged this.

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