Re-Post Tuesday: Tayday (Unregistered)

On Friday I may have cast some aspersions on young Taylor Swift, so today I’m here to recompense. She was more than serviceable as host, splendid in song, and turned out one of the finest monologues in recent memory. Judge for yourself. Then stop judging.

Name me two things you don’t like about this girl, and if one of them is her black, soulless eyes I’m calling you out as a retinal racist: Jaundiced eye! Jaundiced eye! Play her album once all the way through. Young or old, I defy you to not give your 15 year-old self a hug. Does all this sound gay to you? My God, can you turn off your prejudices for five stupid minutes? Since the episode I’ve downloaded her album and listened to it countless times, staring off into space dreaming of my own heart’s desire. Okay, prejudices aside, that last sentence WAS pretty gay. Whatever. I’m a Romeo looking for my own gosh darn Juliet. I don’t wanna be alone! These are song lyrics, seriously, stop judging.

Two for Tuesday: Buy one recompense, get one free. Apologies to DERRICK Comedy and you, the reader. DERRICK put out their first online video in two years last week and I forgot to post it. What can I say? I’m a jackass. What else can I say? The kings are back, y’all!

Good luck not singing that chorus all day at work. I’d play you Taylor Swift’s “You Belong with Me” to reset your melody memory, but it’s been posited that listening to that DERRICK parody right before Taylor Swift’s “You Belong with Me” leads to the rape of a child. It’s an explosive combination; the musical equivalent to Coke and Pop Rocks (but instead of spewing fizz it spews jizz…in a crying child….ewwww). Okay, try it once, one raped child never hurt anyone. Except the raped child. And their family and community. And then everyone that child future rapes. I guess when you really think about it, one raped child could lead to the downfall of civilization. That’s heavy stuff, man. You never think about that when you’re in the moment.

Eh, try it one time just to see what happens. Y’know, in the name of science.

My name is Ben and I blogged this.