I Gotta Friday Feeling

It’s Friday, and what do we always do here on Fridays? New SNL tomorrow night hosted by January Jones, the woman who turned Mad Man Donnie Draper into Sad Bitch Dickie Whitman. If I was the type of sociopath who couldn’t differentiate between TV and reality I would boycott. “You’re supposed to be in Reno,” I’d say. And even if that statement makes sense to some, it is still raving lunacy to all. I don’t know what I’m talking about. Watch this SNL preview.

That’s one pretty lady. I’m nervous for her as a live performer, though. She seems forgetful. This picture is a perfect example of what I mean:

She forgot to put on a shirt! Maybe she needs cue cards when she wakes up in the morning.

The Black Eyed Peas are the musical guest, which means I Gotta Feeling…NOPE. I won’t make an “I Gotta Feeling” joke; it’s too easy, and this site never takes the easy joke out. Long-winded, offensive, and esoteric? The more the jokier. Save the one-liners for the Twitter kids.

The thing about that song is it doesn’t give me the feeling that the nights I listen to it are going to be good nights. But the Lil’ Wayne version? That joint gets me pumped for an evening. Usually an evening spent pacing in my bedroom, but whatever: It’s about the pump not the evening. Cue that mu’fucka!

I’m too pumped! And it’s not even evening yet!

It’s Friday, and what have we never done here before? Follow Friday. I’ve made fun of Twitter on this site a few times because, well, it’s a wretched popularity contest that is depreciating literacy. But Follow Friday is its one feature I enjoy: Users hipping their “followers” to some hidden facet of the Twitterverse worthy of attention. I’ve decided to co-opt that idea here, not within the Twitterverse but instead the Blogosphere. Follow Friday: Blogosphere Edition. Because I like to save the bathwater when throwing out the baby.

So here is we going: I started reading a blog called ILazer by Ilana Glazer, a funny young comic out of New York, and I think you should get to know her. Traded a few emails with her this week and she’s as sweet as she is smart and funny. Here’s the post that hooked me:

I love that you can get those racist definitions printed on coffee mugs. Follow Ilana, and have a funny weekend everyone!

My name is Ben and I blogged this.

Socioeconomic Burger Wars

Have you noticed lately that the only thing getting cheaper in this world is junk food? McDonald’s and Burger King are in a race to market the first free hamburger. And it’s going to be GIANT.

Burger King just launched their campaign to win the heart (attacks) of fast foodies with a 99-cent double burger weighing in at a quarter pound, trumping the weightless and flimsy patties Micky D’s has been pushing at the same price. So next McDonald’s will announce a half-pound triple burger for 50 cents, shocking the industry. Burger King will have no choice but to retaliate with a pound of meat in a loaf of bread for a quarter. McDonald’s will then take that same sandwich, add extra cheese, bacon, a not-especially-special sauce and lower the price to a nickel. And that’s when it will happen: Burger King will offer a burger the size of your head (or worse: MY head) for free. And all you have to do is climb into the witch’s oven to get it.

Y’see, for once this is a business move that isn’t about the rich getting richer while the poor stay poor. This is about the poor getting fatter so the rich can eat us. And once there’s no more of us left, Burger King will become Lobster King and McDonald’s will start serving the Filet-o-Mignon. And you think we’re getting a Public Option. WHAT??? Then you’d see a doctor who might tell you to stop eating so many fast food burgers! Nope, the public’s only option is McDonald’s or Burger King. Pick your penny-saving poison.

My name is Hansel and I blogged this.