Obama Theatre Presents: War & Peace
In honor of President Obama flying to Norway to accept the Nobel Peace Prize and deploying troops to Afghanistan in the same week, I bring you another edition of Obama Theatre. Enjoy!
INT. OVAL OFFICE
President Obama’s administrative assistant pages him.
President Obama, Secretary of Defense
Robert Gates is here to see you.
Thank you, Secretary of Secretaries.
Send him in.
Robert Gates enters.
You wanted to see me, President Obama?
Gates, good to see ya. Have a seat.
Let’s talk Afghanistan.
Are you ready to unveil your plan to
remove troops from the Middle East?
Yeah, about that. I’ve been looking over the
progress reports, crunching numbers,
and I gotta tell you, I think
we can win this thing.
Just hear me out. I know I gave the Bush Administration
a lot of grief for engaging in unnecessary wars at
the expense of soldiers’ lives, tax-payers’ dollars,
and international diplomacy. But that was
before I really got a looksie. I’m telling you we
can win this thing. 30,000 more troops. 50 tops.
Many of your supporters are already growing impatient
with you. Do you really want to jeopardize
your standing within the party further?
Joe Biden enters before Obama’s Administrative Assistant can announce him.
President Obama, I tried to stop him but
Vice President Biden is on his way in.
Too late! I’m in, girl!
What up, B-Bomb, Gatesy? Did I hear something about a party?
I was just explaining to the President
that his standing within the Democratic Party
is tenuous at best right now.
Who cares? The Democratic Party is the nerd’s birthday
of political parties. The power couple JoeBama
is shaking things up.
Joe, come look at these Afghan progress reports and
crunch these numbers for me. Tell me what you see.
Son of a gun, DickBush was right! We can win this thing!
I’m not sure that’s the point. The American people
have spoken out against this war. Many would claim
your desire to end it was the principle reason
you were elected.
And I get that. Which is why you’re going to Afghanistan, Gatesy.
What? Why me?
I gotta fly to Norway and accept some prize.
Kick it with prime ministers and diplomats.
You’re going to accept the Nobel Peace Prize
simultaneous with the deployment of troops to war?
I hadn’t thought about that. Ironic!
Good thing my name’s already on the giant check.
Can’t the Vice President handle the Aghanistan situation?
JoeBiddy’s staying here to run the country.
Me and Senate are gonna kick out a health care bill
that looks shockingly similar to the status quo.
So then…I have to…Fiiiiine. Y’know, I thought we
were going to change the world when I signed on.
No you didn’t.
The part of me that isn’t appalled by someone receiving an international peace prize while instigating international war thinks it’s kind of baller.
My name is Ben and I blogged this.