Laguna Beach EDD (Employment Detainment Department)

(posted by t.j peters)

As you drive down Highway 133, the gateway to beautiful Laguna Beach, it’s as if you’re traveling into Utopia.  The lush, rolling hills to your right are carved with foot paths, leading the way to vantage points of coastal majesty.  On the left, artisans and craftsman produce and display stimulating and thought-provoking art from their independent galleries.  And, oh, that?  That’s where we keep the Mexicans.

I saw the Laguna Beach Day Laborer Station while buying a piece of furniture in the area.  As mentioned, it’s located on Highway 133/Laguna Beach Blvd, about three miles outside of downtown, well out of eye sight to the general, extremely wealthy public.  It is literally a dirt turn-off with an outhouse and a water fountain, neither of which appeared to be operational (which, I know, is ironic considering there were twenty-five undocumented workers on site to repair it, if so desired).  Also, as I recall while whizzing by at the posted speed limit of forty-five miles per hour, the sign on the road read “Laguna Beach Day Laborer Station,” with the subscript, “Fuck you, wetbacks.”  Unfortunately I didn’t have time to take a picture of the site, so to help you visualize this all more clearly, I’ve rendered an illustration from memory.

If Laguna Beach could have put their Mexicans up in The Hills, they would have.

In theory, the station serves a valuable and noble purpose.  Trust me, LB, I totally get it.  By creating a site for day laborers to congregate and wait for potential employment, you make it easier to find reliable workers and keep them from using your public restrooms.  It’s a win-win-ish situation for everybody.  The reality, however, is that you didn’t quite think this through. . .

Psssst. . . *leans in, whispering*. . . let’s talk turkey.  Look, I know you’re racist and that’s fine, but you didn’t think this through.  You were like, “We’ll push the aliens off the grid and make them think we’re doing them a favor,” but what you’ve actually done is construct a home base for the Mexicans to organize their uprising!  Think I’m full of it?  Look at this picture I took from my car.

I’ve yet to translate the speech bubble that somehow appeared in this one-in-a-million photograph.

It’s just a matter of time before the revolution begins, my waspy friend.  Then, in the blink of an eye, the Day Laborers will roam free around Laguna Beach, destroying the socio-economic barriers you’ve worked so hard (or barely at all) to construct!  But alas, there is one way to stop them.   All you have to do is let them hang out in the Home Depot parking lot, occasionally hire two or three to provide backbreaking labor, and pay them well below minimum wage for doing so.  I know it’s a sacrifice, but it’s either this or equality.  Godspeed.

My name is t.j. and I hired a day laborer to blog this.