I Give Up!

(posted by josh golden)

It’s been a week and I am starting to feel left out. All my friends are busy missing cupcakes or scratching a tally into their arm of how many days they have till their girlfriend will sleep with them again, and I don’t get to miss anything. I want to give something up for Lent!

Drugs? Candy? Women? I really only have one of those things in my life. Then it came to me like a flash from another faith’s God: For Lent I am going to give up Judaism!

It’s going to be tough but I think I can make it. I already called in to the diamond mine I own in Perth (conflict free since 2003).

Sure, I’ll definitely miss my hair falling out and my mother guilting me about things I literally have no control over. But I will not miss diamonds or neurosis nearly as much as I will young whippersnappers fresh out of their first Liberal Arts school Humanities class blaming me for the entire Israeli/Palestinian conflict, even though in two years when they officially switch from a dependent they will be funding the thing directly. Probably both sides, by paying taxes and buying their first hookah.

My name is Josh, and my Lent starts now… Shabbat Shalom… FUCK!