Earthquakes in Haiti, Japan, and Chile. A tsunami in Hawaii. Unusually long wait at Subway (I’m glad you hire sandwich artists, but not every sandwich has to be an opus…only mine). I can only assume all these were caused by the same thing: The new Oscar format.
This year’s Oscars (which I’m calling the Special Oscars)(like the Special Olympics)(which I call the Tard Olympics)(don’t worry they can’t read)(can they?)(somebody get me a literacy status on retards)(either way, they aren’t allowed at this site)(are they?)(somebody else get me restriction status on retards) suck. If you made a movie this year the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences wants you to know you’re a winner just for trying.
Ten frickin’ movies are nominated for Best Picture this year and the selections couldn’t be more bland. I’m not saying the movies were bland, just the process by which they were chosen. Here’s a list of the nominees to demonstrate:
- The black one
- The racially-sensitive one
- The British one
- The Jewy one
- The Tarantino one
- The war one
- The corny one
- The innovative one
- The animated one
- District 9
Did the BCS design this format change? I vote for a playoff system. C’mon AMPAS, just pick the best five movies and give one of them an award. It’s not like people remember or care about the winner anyway. What won last year? Rocky Balboa? Shakespeare in Love? The Coneheads? I don’t know and I don’t care. What I do know is that I saw Up; I saw Up in the Air; I saw Avatar; I saw Up, Up in the Avatair, and placing those films in a single honorary category is as ridiculous as giving an MVP award for all of sports. There’s no criteria for basis. Can’t be conceived of. No possible way. Can’t be done. Kobe Bryant. Up.
I’ve seen whiskey shits less diluted than this year’s Oscar pool. Whiskey Shits, also nominated.
My name is Ben and I don’t really know movies.