Dudes and lady dudes, let us now take the time to cleanse our collective consciousness of this fallacy: “It ain’t braggin’ if it’s true.”
Uh, yes it is. It’s only bragging if it’s true. Otherwise, it’s called lying, and every religion condemns it. Every religion condemns bragging too, but I think if, say, Jesus, for instance, had maybe spent a little more time bragging he might have saved himself a lot of hardship.
I sense a scene coming on…
Jesus, before a crowd, pre-crucifixion.
Dudes and lady dudes, I beg you to reconsider.
I’m not trying to brag, but I think I bring a lot
to the community. Nazareth was kind of
a mega-drag before I got here. Like network
television will be once cable is invented.
I don’t know, Jesus. Your cable TV analogy is pretty
convincing, but we all kind of think this is how
That’s what I’m saying: It doesn’t have to be. Think about
it this way: Why am I dying?
For the sins of the world .
Right. I can die and you guys can go back to living
your boring lives. Or, you could just stop sinning, I stick around
and turn earth into a non-stop Coachella.
And all we have to do is stop sinning altogether?
Not all sins. Just the big stuff. Murder, rape, watching Vin Diesel movies.
No God would tolerate that.
Tell us a little bit about your reform package!
Again, I’m not trying to brag, but I think a lot of my work speaks for itself.
Water to wine is just the icing, baby. Get me a bag of flour, I’ll make sure no one
in this town can feel their face. And the walking on water thing? That’s not even a
Messiah thing. I can teach that.
Jesus brings the party!
Free sin for life!
In the future there will be a band called Van Halen and they, too, will
decide to sacrifice their leader, David Lee Roth. This will mark the greatest
divide in music history. Many will go with God and DLR, while others will choose
Sammy Hagar, Van Halen, and the devil. Music will never be the same. If you make the
right choice now, perhaps the future will be spared.
I too have seen the future and I know of David Lee Roth. Jesus, you are no David Lee Roth.
Okay, that may have been a stretch. But y’all know ain’t no party like a Jesus party.
You’re such a braggart.
Hey, dawg, it ain’t braggin’ if it’s true.
In 2009, a blogger named Ben Axelrad will disprove that.
Perhaps he is the true Messiah. Can he turn one thing into another thing just by touching it?
With only the repeated thrusting of his pelvis he can turn a jello mold into a vagina.
That is pretty impressive.
All hail Ben Axelrad!
I’m not trying to brag, but this scene is true.
My name is Ben and I am a blogalomaniac.