Back on the Beat

(posted by josh golden)

36 Mafia was right: It’s hard out here for a pimp. It may be time for a career change. Something a little more stable, a little less spontaneous…

Oh shit, what is this? I just got a message on my face book.

“Join the LAPD, START TRAINING NOW!!”

The LAPD has a questionable past of making poor decisions, but they just broke their losing streak by coming to me. I am going to become a cop, it’s a perfect fit.

But Josh, you don’t have a degree in criminal justice.  Being a police officer is not easy; it’s tireless work that requires an iron will and a passion for the community. Nuh-uh. The pictures from the add assure me that the days of bureaucratic red tape, standards of procedure, and strong judgment skills are dead and gone. This is not your grandfathers LAPD. This is fucking extreme!

Look, you get a Lamborghini and a license to kill; you even get a uniform straight from the set of the Fifth Element. I frequently get these damn ads for elite fighting groups and I am just waiting for Backwater to give me a call thanks to my listed interests in Nerf guns and Halo.

If you go around advertising the police force as hella-hardcore and balls-to-the-wall to men whose only real experience with justice is The Punisher, don’t be surprised when this happens.

My name is Josh and this uniform makes my ass look awesome.