VIDEO MAO!!!

(posted by josh golden)

The game of Russian Roulette is a pretty well-known standard in extreme party games. You put one bullet in a revolver, spin the chamber, hold the gun to your head, and pull the trigger while praying that a metal slug doesn’t come sailing out.

This game, thankfully, has been adapted into an interactive online experience. Just replace the gun with a web cam and keep pulling the trigger until you get a face full of stranger and you have chatroulette.com, a site that asks you to ignore the one thing you were told over and over as a child: “Never talk to strangers.”

I tried to abstain. I tried to stay strong. But yesterday the white panel van of Chatroulette came rolling down my street with a grocery bag full of candy tied to the mirror and I, like an unaccompanied child, ran up to say hi.

I only had to try my hand once at this social game and I struck gold. The first person to come up on my screen was a beautiful twenty something girl who must have had some Persian in her. Stunning is the only word I could use to describe her.

She waved at me. I sheepishly waved back. She giggled. I chuckled. Three hours later she was still laying on her stomach on a purple satin bed hanging off my every word, and I hers. She only lives thirty minutes away and is coming over tomorrow for dinner.

I really think she may be the one. Who would think that in a game of chance like Chatroulette I would find such a wonderful woman. Of all the people in the world. What a crazy thing the internet can be.

Don’t believe me?!

That’s because it is an entirely false and preposterous story. If you want the truth all you have to do is replace the hot Persian girl with a deranged pervert’s genitals and you are pretty much back on track.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. And there is no better example of this then chatroulette.com; a site that was meant to bring everyone across the world together through random video chatting but is no more than another alley in the seedy underbelly of the Internet. It is a place for three types of people:

• Single dudes staring blankly at their screens repeatedly hitting skip when they see another man, while praying for that Persian girl.

• Creepy single dudes pleasuring themselves in front of single dudes repeatedly hitting skip.

• Pockets of underage girls who are interested in neither.

My advice is simple: Get comfy with grotesque male forms. If you can, Chatroulette in a group. And if you have any history of addiction, stay far away from this site.

My name is Josh. SKIP F9.