SPOILER ALERT! LAST NIGHT’S LOST! TURN BACK YE WHO HATH NOT WITNESSED!
It makes too much sense. Never in five years of Lost have I felt more confident I understand what’s going on. Which, of course, means I probably know less than ever. I have conceded this because, on Lost, confidence is a confidence killer. No show on television utilizes the ‘always calmest before the storm’ tactic better.
For the first time ever, predicting the direction of Lost seems as simple as choosing a direction. Either our protags have been dumped in 1977 to create or recreate the future. Signs point to both, which means it will probably be neither. We all decide it’s either regular, old apples or oranges, Lost then delivers a supernatural, time-travelling banana.
We are due for a Richard Alpert episode very soon. Eloise and Charles will probably share an episode. Sayid in the jungle. Sayid in the jungle may not actually happen (I’ll still keep my man-crush boner close), since it doesn’t appear much happened to him there. And with Sayid, they can always just tell us he blended into the forest as a tree for like two weeks and we’d have to believe it. It’s mu’fuckin’ Sayid!
Every season of Lost has had a different theme. I’ll list them:
Season 1 – Lost (Plane)
Season 2 – Lost (On the Island)
Season 3 – Lost (In the World)
Season 4 – Lost (Island)
Season 5, obviously, has been Lost (In Time). Back in January, when this whole time-twist started, I must admit I was skeptical. But I think they have really pulled it off. My one objection is, according to Season 5 logic, Charlotte was like five to ten years older than Miles. There’s no ways that’s true. Even discounting this minor concern, the Charlotte character was rather useless. And the speech Farraday gave her as a child would’ve given me pedophile nightmares for a year. If their goal was to make Daniel as creepy as possible before killing him, they succeeded.
I knew they were going to kill Farraday early in that episode because of a very easy tell that Lost uses: You always know a character’s days are numbered when they start telling everything that they know. This is television, no one can die with a secret. So if it seems like a character is saying an awful lot, it’s probably the last time they will say anything. Farraday explained his purpose and the Lost-espoused theory behind time travel, and then he was no longer needed.
Time travel isn’t a science, it’s a theory. Lost imparted a theory and has been ironclad sticking to it. One can argue with their postulate, but come on “One!” This is Lost, not Carl Sagan’s Cosmos. It’s pretty heady stuff for pop television. And since nobody else has the answer to this absolute hypothetical, all Lost is responsible for is consistency.
I am pleased to say this season has been remarkably consistent. So consistent, in fact, that dumb lugs like me think we have the pattern figured out. This is exactly where Lost wants us. I feel like one of the Others right now: Certain I have finally been leveled with, unknowingly on a mission to kill Jacob. It’s better this way. If I ever actually figured out the show it might feel like finding out Santa isn’t real. Sorry, y’all. I probably should’ve put a spoiler alert on that Santa thing.
My name is Ben and I am lost in blog.
If you haven’t seen last night’s Lost (or you are drinking the milk in my fridge), stop reading (and drinking)! SPOILER ALERT!
This post is going to be cuss-laden with excitement. That was the best goddamn episode of Lost ever. There are nights that seem appropriate for love-making. After a sweet film or an elegant meal. Last night wasn’t one of them. After that episode, if you have any sense of decency, you fucked. Fucked hard. Some nights are good for fucking. Last night WAS one of them. And no matter your gender, no matter who you were fucking, everyone was picturing Sayid. Fucking last night brought you closer to Sayid.
I didn’t fuck, but I did aggressively hump my pillow for a good half-hour afterwards.
How much did I like that episode? When it was over I promptly watched it again. Then I woke up this morning and started making a “Best of the Best: Sayid” video mix. I’m not even kidding. Here is a clip from last night that, in my always-accurate opinion, was the greatest 40 seconds in the show’s five-year run:
He’s like a cross between the Iraqi Joker and Charles Nelson Reilly in that scene. Why is he laughing at the end? Was he dosed with a gay truth syrum? It was ridiculous. I’ve watched it at least 40 times. That’s once per second of clip.
Then there was the ending. HOLY SHIT! They killed a kid. Sure, that kid may have been a young Hitler, but they killed him as a kid. And I think we all saw it coming, though deep-down we never believed it could happen. On ABC? That’s the Disney-owned network. Killing kids is for Nickelodean. Not anymore. Disney killed a kid. Watch it again:
Really that episode was all about Sayid, Sawyer, and Jin: The three faces of man-crush. Everyone, men and women alike, had boners last night. Mine is just subsiding. Less Lost, more allergic reaction to Viagra. But still…
My name is Ben and this is my Lost blog. Wait, that doesn’t sound right. Fuggit.