The Laws: Jude and Sacred

(posted by ben axelrad)

I can’t believe another week has passed and I’m out here soap-boxing for SNL again. I haven’t even had time to watch last week’s episode yet, which I realize is sheer blasphemy. It’s like the Pope not having time for Christmas – and not just because Zach Galifianakis looks like a young Santa. Or at least it would be like that if Christmas came twenty times a year for an hour and a half on the weekend. Though, really, wouldn’t that better exemplify the true spirit of Christmas? Whatever, you guys are a bunch of TV Jews. Watch this while I wrap your stupid presents:

Are your eyes scorching from staring directly into the Jude Law? I should’ve warned you. Listen J-Law, I don’t know what passes for handsome in froggy ol’ Britain but in America you need to put a bag over that head. Get over here, I’ve got some extra gift wrap. In this case the wrap is the gift. U-K-L-Y you have got an alibi, you British, you you, you Brit-ish. Let me wrap that mug like it says “WORLD’S GREATEST DADDY.” Looking at you makes my eyeballs long for the soothing relief of pepper spray. You’re the Prince of Walrus. If you were any uglier I’d stop getting a boner every time I look at you. Am I right, my manly mens?!

This picture is horrific.

In news that is true, the magnificent movie MYSTERY TEAM is at the NuArt Theatre in Los Angeles starting today for the next week. Angelinos, go out and support the film sometime between now and next Thursday evening. DERRICK dudes A’ing your Q’s at all evening shows. I’ll be there one night and promise to also A your Q if A’ed at an appropriate T.

My name is Ben and I blogged this.

It All Could Come Crashing Down…

When your television show survives 35 years; through the tenures of eight presidents; through war; terrorist attack; disasters both natural and intentional, it is fair to wonder if it is impervious to everything. This weekend host Zach Galifianakis will likely test that theory.

This could be brilliant. This could be a disaster (either natural or intentional). If you’re a safe gambler bet on both. Home run hitters? Parlay a trifecta of dressing room fire, full-frontal nudity, and standing ovation. But no matter what type of gambler you are, one thing remains constant: Gambling on scripted television is a weird sign you have a problem and you should stop it. I call ‘em how I see ‘em.

My name is Ben and I’ve been curing gambling addiction since two sentences ago.

Me and SNL Can’t Wait Any Longer

(posted by ben axelrad)

If this shit doesn't end soon I'll show them some fireworks of my own.

I get goosebumps when I think about the Closing Ceremonies of the Olympics. In the spirit of sportsmanship all the nations of the world stay united to say goodbye to this two-week shit storm of boring. If I hear one more thing about figure skating it will be the first thing I’ve heard about figure skating and I’ll go homicidal with the next figure skate I find…which will be the first figure skate that I find. I guess what I’m trying to say is, yay for sportsmanship and goodwill.

Saturday Night Live can’t wait any longer for this bullshit party to end so they’re throwing a party of their own this weekend with talented actress Jennifer Lopez as the host and untalented musician Jennifer Lopez as the musical guest. Preview? Eh, if you need it.

Hot damn, Jennifer Lopez is hotter than ever. DAMN! Didn’t she have twins like a week ago? Were they butt babies? Don’t answer that, I enjoy believing they were.

It’s been a triumphant week at Poop or Chocolate, thank you to everyone who stopped by to check out T.J.’s interview or to meet Julia or to call Josh a self-loathing Jew. Even to the guy who popped in just to tell us we suck. Thank you to everyone. Keep coming over and we’ll keep feeding you funny. Have an excellent weekend and see you next week!

My name is Ben and we thank you.

It’s Friday and This is What We Do on Fridays

(posted by ben axelrad)

Ashton Kutcher hosts Saturday Night Live this week in promotion of his new movie…ah, who gives a shit? Somebody’s gettin’ PUUUUUNK’D! It’s us, the viewing audience. No, I don’t mean that. I don’t know why I’m acting so grouchy. Watch this preview while I pull my shit together.

Ashton Kutcher actually does a pretty good job as host and I’m sure this time will be no exception. Them Crooked Vultures I don’t know so well. I’ve heard them, they seem kind of noisy which makes me feel old and probably explains my earlier grouchiness. Because noise makes old people grouchy. Scientific fact.

A georgraphical fact is that if you live in Chicago, and many of my friends and readers do, you have the opportunity to see DERRICK Comedy’s fine film MYSTERY TEAM at the Music Box Theatre starting today. Do it, Chicago! DERRICK members at shows all weekend. Chitown, you’re the second city of comedy, show your muscle this weekend in support of good people and a funny film.

And one final piece of business, falling in the category of “If you don’t know, now you know.” A FENNIS FOR DEMBO, everyone’s favorite irreverent basketball blog is back up and running with a whole new look. Pop by this weekend and hollar at LA Dubbs and yours truly, BA Brokeass. C’mon y’all, Do the Dembo!

My name is Ben and I blogged this.

A Very Sketchy Weekend

Poop or Chocolate may be calling it quits on our insider coverage, but through next Tuesday San Francisco remains Sketchy. No, not that kind of sketchy. Because of Sketchfest. And also in the way you thought I meant. Because, Francisco, you are NO saint. But God bless you anyway.

There are about a million funny things to do in the Bay Area this weekend, but here’s one I specifically endorse: A pair of Poop or Chocolate interviewees, Convoy (Improv) and The Birthday Boys (Sketch Comedy), share a show at The Dark Room at 8pm Friday night. I think the show might be sold out, but either way, here is where you’ll find information. My recommendation of this show should go without saying, I wouldn’t have interviewed them if I wasn’t floored by their performances. Get ready for a treat, SF.

The Birthdays Boys play a second show with Kaspar Hauser, 10:30pm Saturday at Eureka Theatre and tickets are definitely still available for that one by clicking here. Convoy also has a second show on Saturday night at the Eureka, but sadly it is sold out already. Convoy has simply gotten too popular for last minute plugs and while I’d like to credit that to their interview here, it is more likely because they are awesome at what they do.

But seriously, there is a ton of funny coming through San Francisco this weekend. Check the listings and pick something for yourself.

If you live somewhere besides The Bay but still find yourself craving sketchiness, well I’ve got something for you too. Again, not that kind of sketchiness.

Booblay. Bubble. You’re both wrong, guys. It’s pronounced “Boring.” But Jon Hamm should be fun. He was on last season and did a fine job, remember? Jon Hamm’s john ham? It was funny, and then I saw him at a party the next week and I told him it was funny and then gave him a dixie cup full of warm whiskey and he said thank you and flashed a Superman shirt underneath a suit and we laughed. Now do you remember? No? Damn. Maybe it’s because I never told you that story before. Just a theory.

Well, anyway, he was good. Way better than my story. My story was a real stinker. Oh well. I think I’ve left you plenty to entertain yourself with this weekend. Bonne comédie!

My name is Ben and I blogged this.