The Laws: Jude and Sacred

(posted by ben axelrad)

I can’t believe another week has passed and I’m out here soap-boxing for SNL again. I haven’t even had time to watch last week’s episode yet, which I realize is sheer blasphemy. It’s like the Pope not having time for Christmas – and not just because Zach Galifianakis looks like a young Santa. Or at least it would be like that if Christmas came twenty times a year for an hour and a half on the weekend. Though, really, wouldn’t that better exemplify the true spirit of Christmas? Whatever, you guys are a bunch of TV Jews. Watch this while I wrap your stupid presents:

Are your eyes scorching from staring directly into the Jude Law? I should’ve warned you. Listen J-Law, I don’t know what passes for handsome in froggy ol’ Britain but in America you need to put a bag over that head. Get over here, I’ve got some extra gift wrap. In this case the wrap is the gift. U-K-L-Y you have got an alibi, you British, you you, you Brit-ish. Let me wrap that mug like it says “WORLD’S GREATEST DADDY.” Looking at you makes my eyeballs long for the soothing relief of pepper spray. You’re the Prince of Walrus. If you were any uglier I’d stop getting a boner every time I look at you. Am I right, my manly mens?!

This picture is horrific.

In news that is true, the magnificent movie MYSTERY TEAM is at the NuArt Theatre in Los Angeles starting today for the next week. Angelinos, go out and support the film sometime between now and next Thursday evening. DERRICK dudes A’ing your Q’s at all evening shows. I’ll be there one night and promise to also A your Q if A’ed at an appropriate T.

My name is Ben and I blogged this.

It All Could Come Crashing Down…

When your television show survives 35 years; through the tenures of eight presidents; through war; terrorist attack; disasters both natural and intentional, it is fair to wonder if it is impervious to everything. This weekend host Zach Galifianakis will likely test that theory.

This could be brilliant. This could be a disaster (either natural or intentional). If you’re a safe gambler bet on both. Home run hitters? Parlay a trifecta of dressing room fire, full-frontal nudity, and standing ovation. But no matter what type of gambler you are, one thing remains constant: Gambling on scripted television is a weird sign you have a problem and you should stop it. I call ‘em how I see ‘em.

My name is Ben and I’ve been curing gambling addiction since two sentences ago.

Re-Post Tuesday: The Host with the Re-Post

Tuesday, the day we give thanks to posts by re-posting them. Today is about Tonight, Conan-themed re-posts. Here’s him on Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis making a jackass out of himself for your amusement.

Here’s some more Conan for the funny bonin’. It’s a clip from last night featuring Judd Apatow. Enjoy. Or don’t. Whatever. All I did was re-post it.

That’s all for today. Might be a bit of a slow week at the ol’ blogsite as I finish and start a few other projects and search for a job. Anybody know where to get one of those? I’m good at…things. Let a kid know.

My name is Ben and I blogged this.

 

When Musicians Do Comedy

Remember that song “Things That Make You Go Hmmmm?” Well here’s some stuff  as confusing as the continued existence of that wretched song. Just a couple of things that make you go, “Hey that’s stupid like the C&C Music Factory song.” If you even think “Hmmm” you’re fired. Here’s the first one:

I’ve watched a few times now waiting for the joke to represent itself; to stand up and announce, “This is why I’m funny.” Can’t find it. I think Weezer is really pimping their own Snuggie. Worse yet, it’s a ploy to increase album sales. If comedy was intended, I implore you, Weezer, stick to your day job: Be it the rock biz or the Snuggie biz or the None-of -your biz. But cease and desist on this comedy business. I give the same shit to comedians who make music.

Keeping with this theme of musicians slowing their roles, here’s #2: SNL returns live this week with Taylor Swift pulling double duty as host and musical guest.

Sounds like a double dose of doody to me. Musician hosts range between Justin Timberlake at the zenith and Jon Bon Jovi at the nadir, with the vast majority only inches above JBJ. The only categorically worse episodes are the ones hosted by athletes – Michael Phelps and Tom Brady made the Weezer Snuggie informercial look like Monty Python – and at least with those episodes you get a break to watch a real musician perform.

On nights when comedy is forfeited for the evening I think music should make an equal sacrifice. Like, if Lebron James is going to be the host then Dwyane Wade should be the musical guest. And if Taylor Swift heads the comedic portion we should be “treated” to the musical stylings of Zack Galifianakis.

I’m willing to tolerate Taylor Swift for three minutes before Weekend Update and another three at the end of the show. SNL is asking for 90. I think six minutes is quite fair. After all, that’s five and a half more minutes than Kanye West gave her.

My name is Ben and I blogged this.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis

The hilarious Jon Hamm for the fellas and the handsome Zach Galifianakis for you smitten ladies.