I’m this dude who lives in Los Angeles named Ben. Hey, that’s me over there. Hi, me! The dog with lips and eyebrows in this picture is Charlie. You can laugh at him if you want, as he is little, not tough, and just a photograph. Alone, without Charlie, I created this site. Don’t tell Charlie I said that, please.
Here’s my game, y’all: I write stuff down that I think is funny and hope that someday soon someone will say “That’s so funny I want to give you this big pile of money!” Then we will shake hands for what seems like an eternity.
I write movies, television, short short-stories, long short-stories, short long-stories, and pizza. Yay pizza! In addition, I make silly little videos that no one likes except me and everyone. I will do all these things for you, and all you have to do is ask me. And pay me. And praise me. And pizza. Yay pizza!
I also write comedy for this other site called A Fennis For Dembo under the pen name BA Brokeass. Check it out if you like going to websites and reading things. It also helps if you like basketball and/or rap music.
I can be reached for work, play, or sex at email@example.com
Look, let’s face it, you probably worship me. And whether we’ve met in person or you’ve carefully stalked me from afar, I welcome your unabashed admiration. Our common interests (me) bind us, and I could never take that (me) away from us (me). But please, allow me to step down off my high horse and mount my pony, which will serve as a much more fitting mode of transport through this miniature description of me. Giddyup!
My name is t.j., but you already knew that. I was working, but now I’m not, which means I’m writing. About what is still unclear, but for the purpose of my contributions to Poop or Chocolate, I try to boil it down to a concise thesis statement: I will write about things that have happened or are happening to me, and also about things that have happened or are happening to other people, some of whom I know and others that I do not know, all in the form of humorous musings, executed in a manner that display my personal writing style and reflect my opinions. It’s good to be focused, I say. So read up and please enjoy!
If you want to get in touch, feel free to shoot me an email at tpetersCCC@gmail.com. Beyond my occasional blogging for Poop or Chocolate, I write feature screenplays and sketches, the latter of which I shoot on my own from time to time. Please inquire about any and all of my work!
To survive an encounter with a Josh Golden you must first understand Josh Goldens.
Forty-five miles west of Chicago you will find their breeding grounds. Here Josh Goldens run through fields playing and hunting together. Throughout their time in development on the breeding grounds, the average Josh will develop an eye for primitive filmmaking, a hatred for oranges, and a distinctive pigeon-toed posture.
At the age of twenty-three it is customary for a male Josh Golden to leave the breeding grounds and head west. What triggers this migration is still a mystery to scientists. Perhaps it’s an instinctual right of passage that nature has engraved in its genes, or maybe it is just an idiot.
Out of every ten Josh Goldens to make the move only one will survive. Some will wander into tar pits; some will spend an extended amount of time in Albuquerque New Mexico eating breakfast burritos; some of them will reach the ocean and continue walking. The one that survives will customarily find a cave and hole himself inside there, where he will repeatedly slam a stick against a rock in an ancient practice called “Rye-Ting,” leaving it’s cave in search of it’s main life source, whiskey.
This particular Josh Golden is a freelance writer/director/editor currently residing in Los Angeles. He holds a Bachelor of Arts in Film from Columbia College in Chicago. Contact him at Joshua.firstname.lastname@example.org.
I am perfectly okay with being the only woman on this blog.
I grew up in North Hollywood, where I once witnessed Flavor Flav buy crack around the corner from my childhood home. Even today the booming call of Public Enemy and the sight of small bags of white powder make me feel nostalgic.
I like to write about film and television and other things that intercept into the general media. I like to perform stand-up comedy when the jokes are too good to stay on my iPhone. I’m working toward my Bachelor’s Degree in Film Studies with a minor in Television from Chapman University. (You didn’t need to know that whole part, but dammit if I pay $100,000 + to get the title, I’m gonna use it).
I’m supposed to inform you of what to expect while reading this blog and I’m happy to report with the utmost certainty that most of what you read through here will most likely contain the following, but is in no way limited to: Novels, Comedy, Cult Movies, Robots, Zombies, Weiner Dogs, Yellow Volkswagen Beetles, Improv, Stand-up, Food Stands in the Middle of Nowhere, Bizarre Star Wars/Geek Memorabilia, Disneyland, Disneyland Ghost Stories, Apple Computers, Vintage Bicycles, Ira Glass/This American Life, Dave Eggers, The 1960’s, Vintage Dresses, Themed Bike Riding, The Big Lebowski, B-Movies/Mystery Science Theater 3000, Surf Rock, Christopher Walken, Don Knotts, Ed Wood, Ace of Cakes, Anthony Bourdain, the Travel Channel, the Food Network, British Comedic TV, The Coen Brothers, Kids in the Hall, Amelie.
As a writer, I love e-mail. It fuels me through an otherwise caffeine-fueled Food Network marathon-addled day. I check it as often as the average person wonders what time it is, possibly more. If you’ve got something to say, I’ll probably respond to you in record speed at email@example.com.
♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦
Now stop wondering who we are and start reading our jokes. All you have to do is click that “Home” tab in the right-hand corner, locate the words, scan and interpret them with your eyeballs, laugh really hard, and pee yourself. We knew you could do it. How go clean up, Sticky.