Poop or Chocolate

Home of the elegant fart joke.

The Road to Sketchfest with The Midnight Show

“I’m going to eat you,” he pronounced in raspy, slurred English.   “I’m going to eat you and your family.”  As far as we knew, those were the only words Adam (or Aaron, or whatever . . . it really doesn’t matter cause that dude was fucking crazy) was capable of speaking.  At one point he asked me for a lighter, but as I recall he did so using a series of hand gestures and indecipherable grunts.  Verbalized or not, it turned out he actually needed a cigarette, which I promptly gave to obtain amnesty in the event that he grew hungry for me and my loved ones.

After the seven hour drive that included rural routes, Roman candles, unexpected snowfall, and Disney sing-a-longs, the Sketchfest trip officially began at the International Sports Club, which is where I met up with The Midnight Show and, eventually, the above referenced Dr. Lecter.  The night had many high points, I must say, most of which were strange and depraved for various reasons.  And surprisingly, “I’m going to eat you” guy wasn’t the creepiest individual encountered.  The following scenario was told to me by Hal and Joe of The Midnight Show, which I’ll translate in language simple enough for a monosyllabic cannibal to understand:

Man masturbates in street.  Hal and Joe view from afar.  Man shows no signs of stopping.  Hal and Joe appreciate man’s commitment.  Man is interrupted by very rude pedestrians.  Hal and Joe wonder if it’s a citizens’ arrest.  Man discovers that citizens are police officers.  Hal and Joe feel bad for man.  Man feels very arrested.

Just to clarify, that’s a story about a man openly masturbating on the sidewalk.  In theory, he was walking along, possibly to or from home (our witnesses claim he didn’t appear to be homeless), and thought to himself, “Here’s good.”  Then he masturbated.  So there’s that story.

I’d like to think that as I continue to report on this weekend there won’t be any more anecdotes involving threats to my life or public indecency, but that’s obviously a pipe dream.  Might as well openly disrespect inevitability and propose a bold toast with my Day Two one o’clock cocktail:  Here’s to nothing even remotely weird happening for the rest of the trip!  Try me, San Francisco.

My name is t.j. and this blog is parked in SF.

♦   ♦   ♦   ♦   ♦

Tickets are still available for The Midnight Show on Friday (featuring John Ennis, Mr. Show) and Saturday (featuring Trevor Moore, The Whitest Kids U’ Know).  Make it happen.


January 22, 2010 - Posted by | Blogs by T.J. | , , , , , , , , , , ,

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